9 Ways To End A Terrible First Date ASAP 😂 ••
Terrible first dates rank up there with Ebola and Donald Trump as some of the worst things in life.
Maybe you met that fine person online and they were awesome while chatting hence you thought spending some time with them was going to be the best decision of your life. But then that person turns out to be more boring than a Ghanaian movie.
So what are you supposed to do when you to discover that you cannot survive another ten minutes with that person? Here are genius ways to go about it. Pick your poison from the doses below.
1. Ask your date to marry you.
Proposing on the first date is not only weird, but it will make the other person see you as crazy. That’s the point. That’s the impression you want them to get. Do exactly that and watch how fast he or she will ask to leave. The only way this can go wrong is if the other person is super lonely and actually wants to marry someone. Now you will have a problem on your hands. Good luck with that.
2. Call your friend or friends and ask them to come over.
If you are sick of the date and want to wrap things up quickly, invite some company. It will piss your date off To make it work, you will need a very reliable and confident friend who will do a great job at annoying your date. Probbaly a friend who will talk too and eat like a boarding school kid on visiting day.
3. Complain about everything under the sun.
It’s exhausting for anybody to listen to someone who won’t stop complaining. Especially when the complaints ae petty. So if you need to abort your date, just start complaining about everything. Come up with enough complaints to rival the book of Lamentations. Rant too if you can. Within the first five minutes of your complaining, your date will be itching to leave, and you can be sure that he or she will never want to see you again.
4. Keep talking about your Ex.
If the last thing you want is to get serious with the person you are out on a date with, start talking about your ex. It’ll be even better if you say that you miss your ex so much. No one wants to be with somebody who is still emotionally attached to someone else. You can even suggest something crazy, like that you will make sure that your ex never falls in love again. You can even mention that you follow your ex around. You will come off like psychotic, and no one in his or her right mind would date a psycho.
5. Just stay quiet.
Rationally, If someone just keeps quiet, does not comment on anything, does not respond to anything, has no opinion on anything, and you are out on a date with them, the only logical thing to do is end the date. That’s what you want your date to do. Make them so irked by your lack of participation that they finally consider walking out. Sweet victory.
6. Fake diarrhoea.
Or you can also fake an allergy. All of a sudden, soda makes you unable to breathe! Tell your date that you will be fine but need to rush home for your medicine. But I like the diarrhoea option more. Traditionally, people go the washrooms then escape the venue, but you don’t have to stoop that low (as if you haven’t already….haha). If you badly want to get out of a terrible date, go to the washrooms a few times for no reason at all, and behave as if you have diarrhoea. Your date will be reasonable enough to spare you the misery and allow you to go home.
7. Let out fart…..or several farts.
Who wants to be associated with someone who has farted in public? Definitely not your date. I know how mean it sounds but you can do it. To pull it off, you will need to dig deep, gather everything you have within, and let it rip in such a way that it would be unmistakable who did the deed. Make it as loud as a thunder on an African highland. The good part is that you’ll also have a great story to tell. Just hope you don’t become famous or anything in future because your scorned date will definitely narrate the experience to some people and the info will spread osmosis on a potato.
8. Get one of your friends to call with an emergency.
If you really need an obvious, hard exit, nothing says “I’m leaving now” like a fake phone call from a friend or family member saying there’s been an emergency. I’m going, to be honest: if someone pulled this one on me, it would be extremely obvious what they were doing, but you’re trying to get out of a date, not win a Nobel prize in diplomacy.
9. Be Honest
Arguably the best way to get out of a lame evening is to just tell your date you’re not feeling it. They’ll understand… maybe. But probably they won’t understand. It’s not your problem anyway. Is it?